I am feeling really happy to be starting another round of this program. When I'm not on Whole 30 I find myself wanting to be back on it, because I enjoy the boundaries it sets for me when it comes to food choices. I feel like I still struggle when I'm let "off the leash." I'm getting better at knowing what foods to eat and in what amounts, however. This summer I did a few "Whole 5's" and "Whole 7's" but never committed to the full 30 days because, well, it's summer and I enjoy my booze, wine and beer far too much. Summer nights outside just aren't complete without a cold beverage, and for this reason I decided not to commit to a full 30 days during the summer. But it's August now, and I've enjoyed 2 full months of eating whatever I want-when I want it. It's been great, but I've gained 6 pounds and have suffered from some major food guilt.
Before I go any further let me address the last sentence. Some people may say, "Why worry about weight, or a number." And to them I say, amen. Really, it's not helpful for many people to obsess over the number on the scale, and you can trade in your unhealthy eating habits for unhealthy scale habits. However, when I set off on my Journey last November, I had a very specific goal of losing 70 lbs. I have come shockingly close to reaching my goal, but I'm not there yet. Because I'm a competitive person (crazy competitive with myself) I have to see that 70 lb weight loss on the scale. Also, I' have a very specific athletic goal for my body, and I'm going to continue striving for that, and that does include some more weight-loss. I'm still on my journey, after all.
The other thing I want to address is the major food guilt I've been having the last two months. This is not healthy, I totaly realize this. So at least I am aware of it, and looking for ways to change. It's like I went from one unhealthy relationship with food (binge eating, eating fast food close to twice a day, not caring what I ate, emotionally eating, and eating late night snacks) for another unhealthy relationship with food, i.e. eating some chocolate or ice cream, having a glass of wine and savoring the flavor but then feeling really bad about it right around 2 hours after having eaten it. I would/do/did bombard myself with thoughts like;
"Great Job, Swain, now you've undone everything good you've worked for the last year" (irrational, I know.)
or,
"Nice going, now you HAVE to go back on Whole 30, you have no self control."
My amazing wife pointed out to me that in my head I had started to use Whole 30 as a punishment for myself. That when I felt like I'd lost control, my immediate reaction was to punish myself with the program that has helped me lose all the weight. Well as soon as she told me that I realized a couple of things.
1. I still have a ways to go on my food journey, I still have unhealthy relationships with food and I will continue working on this.
2. Whole 30 is not a punishment, I need to get that out of my head.
and finally, I realized that I feel better when I eat clean, I don't second guess myself and I have more energy than 20 puppies combined. So with all this in mind I've embarked on my 6th Whole 30 and I have really high hopes for the month of August. Here are my goals for this month, what I want to achieve this Whole 30:
- Fuel for my Triathlon using only clean, whole foods.
- Finish my Triathlon (If I get cleared to run through physical therapy, I would like to place in the top 10 finishers of my age category).
- Weigh in the 160's when I finish this round-the 160's are kinda my Holy Grail.
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